Ring of Glory—Chapter 2

Posted: February 9, 2011 in boardgames

  “Tank tops,  silly t-shirts, sandals with dark socks, naty beards, no deodorant, and even some of you wearing kilts, you gamers are the bottom line in “no class” even the savages here in the jungle have more manners than you guys!”, exclaimed Bubbles the Jungle girl as the bamboo elevator continued up the rock wall.

“No hold on!”, said Avery while tucking in his tank top. “You will NEVER catch me in a kilt!”

“What about a chicken hat?”, said Jon Jacob in classic passive agressive mode.

Avery just shuddered as the bamboo elevator finally made it to the top of the tall stone wall. Bubbles gestured for the boys to get out and start walking toward the small jungle bungalow which seemed to be their destination.

As they got closer to the bungalow a man wearing a beret appeared from the door. He had a long wispy black mustache and he shouted to Bubbles.

“Bienvenue mon chat petite jungle! Je pensais que vous alliez pour le déjeuner, qu’est-ce que vous avez avec vous?”

Avery whispered to Jon Jacob,

“Doesn’t that French guy look familiar?”

“No but he sounds familar, a French guy speaking French with an Italian accent.”, replied Jon Jacob.

Bubbles laughed and as the Frenchman approached he spoke in English with a heavy Italian accent.

“Hello, gentleman. Welcome to the League of Untouchable American Gamers Headquarters. I am Pierre LaSuant, Eurosnoot.”

” I thought Pierre was just a character Weeks made up, you mean there is actually a REAL Pierre?”, exclaimed Avery.

“You don’t expect me to actually appear in one of those silly videos do you?”, replied Pierre.

“Afterall, I have my reputation to think of! I would never get any female attention at all if I were labeled to be a GEEK!”

Pierre then laughed in an arrogant manner as he kissed the hand of Bubbles and then continued to speak.”

“You see, I lived in Essen for many years. I was caught up for a brief while in the Eurogame craze but as time went on I saw how very dangerous these games were not only to the reputation of our country but to the individuals that played them. I was on the edge of despair until one night, I heard a Podcast by Steve Weeks and it changed my life. You see I loved games but I did not want to be labeled as a Game geek. When I am not playing games I am as debonair as Charles Boyer but the dilema I faced was terrible. Do I give up something I love and sacrifice my reputation? It was Mr. Weeks who showed me the way. His organization allowed me to play games and still be “cool” as you Americans say.”

Steve Avery felt slightly uncomfortable and wished at the moment he had a nice dinner jacket to wear instead of his tank top but all the same was amazed to find out that Pierre the Eurosnoot actually was a real person.

Jon Jacob spoke.

“So Pierre,  do you actually like Eurogames?”

Pierre laughed.

“Nooooooo! But since I have namy connections in Essen I am able to go to Essen every year undercover and have a little fun so to speak. I spread a little money and influence around to insure that the interviews done by Boardgamegeek on the webcasts are as dull as possible.  I tell them to leave their personalities at home as they demo their games.”

Avery laughed, “Well it worked! No wonder it is dullsville every year!”

“Yes, dullsville in Essen makes it all the more easier to advance the agenda of Mr. Weeks and his organization.”, said Pierre as he played with his mustache.

“But now more to the point, what are you gentlemen doing here?”, said Pierre with a thick and bad Italiant accent.

Steve Avery put his foot on a tree stump and began to speak.

“Well Pierre we wanted to talk to Mr. Weeks because we fear for the future of our hobby. Even our own website Fortress Ameritrash is ruled by a Den Mother who has our balls on a leash and we can’t even have any fun. The posts have become dry as dirt and we wanted the help of Mr. Weeks. I have an idea how to break the monotony of these dull websites and bring some life back into gaming. I mean when a discussion about Fonts dominates the website it is time for action.”

“I appreciate your dilema boys I really do, but I can tell you Mr. Weeks is not interested. I should also point out that you both are trespassing. Did you not see the sign?”, said Pierre.

“What sign?”, said a puzzled Steve Avery

Pierre pointed at Bubbles as she raised her skirt showing a tattoo on her thigh that read NO TRESPASSING.

“Bubbles, I seem to recall that Mr. Gibbs wanted to do some hunting today. Will you show our guests to his quarters.”, said Pierre with an evil grin.

“Somebody call me???”

Just then a man in overalls wearing a Red Dog Beer trucker cap appeared. He spit tobacco onto Steve Avery’s Birkenstocks and smiled.

“My name is Cecil Gibbs.”


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